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Getting High

Posted in Adventures, Get Fit | 1 Comment »

It’s official: on August 17th, 2009, I’ll be hiking Mt. Whitney.  I just recently got our lottery confirmation, so my self and 6 friends will throw caution (and common sense) to the wind, and attempt to summit the highest point in the contiguous United States.

We are planning to hike it in one day, because from the stuff I’ve read, hiking up to the campground (around 12,000 feet) entails carrying heavy gear only to get a bad sleep, when you could just do the whole thing in one day instead.  It is only 22 miles, and the elevation gain is only 6,100 or so feet.  Essentially, a walk in the park.  A hot, then cold, limited oxygen park.  Check here for information and inspiration: Extreme Day Hikes. 

I’ll be chronicling this trip as we along, so look forward to future updates, and of course tons of photos upon return.

Courtship In A Post Dating World; Or, Hooking Up Ain’t Hard To Do

Posted in Relationships(!) | 1 Comment »

[Editor's Note: This entry was picked up and put down multiple times during my sabbatical, and it's much longer than it needs to be.  Also, I choose to leave hooking up alone, because, well, I doubt many readers here would be big fans anyway.]

Courtship is dead.  Dating is apparently dead too.  Heck depending on who you talk to, God Himself is dead!  So how does a young Christian single pursue a courtship in a post-dating world? I don’t have the answers, unfortunately (any answers I gave would not exactly be from the horse’s mouth), but let’s explore a few ideas.

The first key is to make any approach one chooses sustainable.  This is not so much about environmental friendliness as it is about ensuring that one’s actions are renewable without burnout.  This is best illustrated by an example of a highly unsustainable focus: Facebook stalking.  Now I’m as guilty as the next guy when it comes to this behavior, but the only net gain is wasted time and a red-lining of the emotional engine that will quickly break down if the oil of real-life interaction is not added (if that’s not how cars work, well, I’m not a gearhead).  It is so easy to meet a woman, find out just enough about her to get excited, and then quickly burn out after spending a week of daydreaming about her, but never actually speaking with her.  This isn’t to say that one should ask someone out on the day that they meet, but it is simply a cautionary note against marrying someone in one’s mind before you even know their last name.  Ok, time to put the mirror down and address the post to the rest of the audience (… hey, wake up, no snoring!).

The most important step in assessing a goal or expectation is whether it is worthwhile and possible.  With that in mind, we should first ask, is courtship even a realistic model?  From an outsider’s perspective, the idea of pursing a relationship with a view of marriage is certainly doable, and I believe valuable as well.  And yet are we given unrealistic visions of a “Josh Harris Match Made In Heaven” situation where the couple meets in high school and their parents are good friends and guide things with a nuclear family 2.8 kids white picket fence mentality?  I hope that by the time we’re in college we can dump those notions without tossing out the baby with the bathwater.  As an example, let’s say the girl I am interested in has parents that live in another city, and aren’t Christian.  While this doesn’t mean I don’t want them involved in anything, they aren’t exactly “dream mentors” that I would look to for advice, and day to day or weekly involvement in the course of things*.

Is online dating the answer?  Possibly.  After all, the model is essentially a very connected friend (perhaps named Neil Clark Warren) who knows you well, and knows lots of people to introduce you to.  At least, that is how it is supposed to work.  I must say it doesn’t always.  No offense if this girl happens to randomly read this blog, but after throwing up a profile for a recent free communication weekend, I got matched with a girl who provided the following answer:  “The last book [redacted] read and enjoyed: haha it was twilight cuz my friend wanted me 2 read it so bad so i did, omg it was 500 pg. but it was good.”  If you know me, you know that is essentially a punch in the face of my sensibility (call me elitist if you must) - what does that mean my online dating friend with the hookup thinks of me??  That was an outlier, but still, online dating still seems to be very hit and miss (… and miss.  and miss).  Again I think the model is one that allows for a courtship mentality, but the practicalities often leave a lot to desire (disclaimer: I know a couple that met and married via online dating and they’re great for each other.  Perhaps I’m just bitter after being matched with Ms. Twilight).

There are also those (crazy) people who like to be able to shake someone’s hand the first time they’re introduced, rather than reading a profile. For these brave souls, there are singles ministries, community groups, home groups, small groups, etc, whatever nom de plum your church gives them.  Of course one shouldn’t go with the sole intention of meeting their spouse, but it’s hardly a poor reason to attend one.  This potential reward is not without risk, such as navigating the friend to friend-plus highway (sometimes feels more like a construction zone detour).  There aren’t any posted speed limits, but there sure are a lot of cops with radar guns.

I think, unfortunately, the message here is that courtship is hard.  And it takes work.  But anything that is hard and takes work is inherently possible (otherwise it would be impossible, not hard), and in this case I believe feasible.  Courtship shows a level of respect for oneself and the person they’re interested in that is lacking (not necessarily intentionally) in other styles of romantic relationships, whether it is the guy playing dumb or the girl playing hard to get, etc etc.  And if the alternative is hooking up, I think putting the work in that courtship demands is not only critical, but richly rewarding in the long term.

Ok, nothing groundbreaking here - what’re your thoughts?  Is courtship a must?  A waste of time?  Are you wondering how you too missed out on this hookup scene while in college??  … JK.

*Here I am tempted to distinguish between the “spiritual” aspects and the “other” aspects of the relationship, but am caught between a rock and hard place.  To separate out the spiritual is to downplay the whole (the spiritual being the core itself), but to keep them together is to present a strong prejudice against the usefulness of said parents in the relationship.  Oh well, I’ll cross that bridge if/when I come to it.

I Got A Brand New Girlfriend Job

Posted in Job | No Comments »

This video sums up how I feel right now.  Except replace girlfriend with job.  Oh and it’s a real job.

Speaking of girls!  Expect at least one post in the near future on women, and the dating/courting/whatever thereof.  Now that this job business is handled…  Fathers hide your daughters, LL Cool Joe is on the prowl!

This post is dedicated to everyone who reminds me I’m behind on posting, but doesn’t comment.  Wuv u all.

I Expect You Have An Explanation For This

Posted in Musings | No Comments »

One of the difficulties in returning from taking a long time off from posting is that a lot of (often related) things have taken place.  This post will attempt to tie in a sermon, conference, and general life desires.  Good luck following this trail of breadcrumbs.

A few weeks ago in his message, Pastor Matt challenged us to boldly trust in the power of the Gospel, and to eliminate small ambitions and low expectations from our lives.  Some practical examples of this mentioned included “I’ll never get over my bad habits,” or “That friend would never accept Christ.”*  If God is who He says He is, these (and all) things are well within His power.

It is sermons like this that have a tendency to cause me to leave riled up and frustrated rather than encouraged.  I am not an “idea man,” per se, and I actually prefer to analyze and dissect existing ideas for validity and probability, rather than create ideas.  But when I do come up with an idea, it tends to be somewhat grandiose in nature (this is not a back patting session, don’t worry).  Understandably, to see an idea of great weight come to fruition takes time.  And therein lies the rub - time requires patience, a virtue I utterly lack.  So I walk away thinking, my expectations and ambitions are not small, and yet they’re unmet; what’s wrong with this picture?

Fast forward a week, and we’re attending Flood’s annual Soma (Greek for “body”) conference, a chance for us to learn more about ourselves, how we’re wired/made, and what we’re wired/made for.  I attended a seminar on values and vision, in which we sought to draft a personal vision statement (what we’re about), and outline our values (theroadmap for our vision).  I realized that one of my highest values is excellence.  As a perfectionist, this is often turned inward, but I also strive to help others realize their true potential (one of the reasons I get a thrill out of coaching).  That extends to society as a whole as well, the focus of asizable portion of my ideas for betterment.

Now, rewind a few hours, and let’s look at the question for quiet time: (in keeping with the theme for Flood this year, “Risk,”) What would it look like to relinquish my current situation, circumstances, people to You?  I have no good answer.  Actually I have no easy answer.  What I came up with though, was to accept that God loves me, even when I don’t feel it, and to love others even when I don’t want to (including God, when He doesn’t give me what I want when I want).  Love creates momentum such that when I am loving most recklessly, I am least able to be unloving, thus making progress towards the two greatest commandments.  The goal of this life is not to have a fulfilling career, or retire young.  I have found that I have begun to make ultimatums with God, including ones that make no sense whatsoever (and me, so logical!).  I caution God that if He does not provide me with a fulfilling job, which would consist of opportunities to serve others, then I will not serve Him in other areas that I can freely choose to serve in now (leading a growth group at Flood stands out as one such example).  God, until You allow me to serve, I refuse to serve.  Hmm.

Now we’re going to jump forward a week and see Chris Tomlin in concert.  Not a bad little time machine we’re on here.  Besides completely rocking, Chris spoke intimately of theinfinite grace that we have available to us at all times from God.  This grace is something that I frequently reject - if I messed up, I deserve punishment.  When I refuse God’s grace to me, I then have that much less grace to others, and my goal of excellence manifests itselfsimply as condemnation.  But this grace is, in no uncertain terms, the most powerful force in the universe.  And it is self-renewing andperennial ; it will not stop flowing tomorrow, it will not expire.  And it will change lives.  When one approaches a task with a possibility of success, rather than aprobability of failure, the outcome will improve, whether the stated goal is met or not.  The hearts involved will be changed for the better in direct response to the grace given and received.

Alright, this post is incoherent and rambling, but I’m going to give myself grace about that.  Each of these paragraphs could be a post in and of themselves, and I may choose to revisit certain points and expound on them.  But for now, you have the ball of pasta that is my brain at the moment.

* The idea is not that these things themselves are small (friends accepting Christ, et al), but that we would find them unlikely or impossible is the low expectation.

TGIF

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Sweet event of the day:
Setting: Library Walk, UCSD
Characters: Flier girl, me

FG: “Hey, pole dancing competition, come out!” (Slight paraphrase, don’t recall exact wording)
Me: No thanks.
FG: AW MAN! You’re KILLING me Redhead!

Ha. Pretty sweet.

Sabbatical.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Hello, welcome, and holy crap, I’m back.  Being the astute person that you are, you probably noticed that I took just over 2 months off from this world famous blog, leaving the tattered remains of many fan’s lives behind the process.  That, or no one noticed, I can’t remember which.  But either way, I’m back and ready to regale you with tales of this, that, and sometimes both at once.

Being a perfectionist, no post with a two month anticipation buildup could ever be good enough, so this isn’t even going to be a real post.  Ha!  Gotcha.  But, you can expect a real one in the next few days, and it’ll be even better than this one (sparing no expense).  As a peace offering, here is a royalty free wallpaper for you.  Enjoy.

You’ve Got Mail

Posted in Musings | 2 Comments »

On Brad Paisley’s newest album, he has a song titled “Letter To Me,” in which he uses the knowledge he has now to compose a fictional letter to himself at 17. His 17 year old self has just had his heart broken, which feels like the end of the world at that age (any age?). Perhaps I like this song so much because of the parallels we can draw to our walk with God; things that feel like the end of the world at the moment never are - even death is only the end of this world.

So what would a letter to me from future me look like? Will I have CEO status, a hot wife, and a big house? While I might hope so, I believe that in fact a letter from present me to future me might be of more value than vice versa. It is the nature of faith, hope in that which is unseen (Hebrews 11:1), that beyond the very ending itself - Christ returning in victory - God is not in the business of letting us know all the points between now and then. As such, knowing that assurance from the future is futile, we are instead forced to rely on reminders from the past.

How can we best take advantage of these? On those Mt. Everest type days, big or small (new job, wedding, deeply encountering God in the Word), we take notes. We write ourselves a letter. “On such a such a day, in such and such a way, God proved Himself faithful, yet again.” Then we store those notes for the Mariana Trench days that are waiting around the corner. When they come (and they will - it is of no value willing them not to), we pull out our letter, and remember that we serve a God who is much bigger than the source of our current difficulties.

Don’t get me wrong, as one who is in a time of great uncertainty, I would love to get a letter from future me informing myself that I have since landed such and such a job, married so and so, done this and that, met him and her, etc. But, in this time of uncertainty, wouldn’t a letter from the past reminding me of God’s ultimate faithfulness be just as valuable? God has already done the hard work - that of proving Himself faithful - now it is just up to us to acknowledge that. And whether the letter comes from the future or the past, it will say the same thing.

Addicted To Creating Witty Titles; Or, Yes One Really Can Be Addicted To Anything

Posted in Addiction and Grace, Book Smarts | 1 Comment »

I’ve been reading a phenomenal (note the strength of the superlative) book on addiction (yes I tend to take a topic and run with it) titled Addiction And Grace, by Gerald May, and I’d like to share a little bit from it.  Quotation crossing ahead:

A Game Of Telephone: Bible Edition; Or, Context Is Key

Posted in Job, Musings | 1 Comment »

As I contemplated Ephesians 4:1-16, while I munched on my Wetzel’s Cin-a-Bitz after watching High School Musical 3 at the local mall, I had a revelation.  Ok, that last sentence was my best New Yorker impression - did you feel like you were there?  Anyway, my revelation came while reading verse 1, which across various translations averages out to (is that blasphemy?) “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.”

Perhaps my “revelation” was nothing more than that we must always focus on reading the Word in the context that it was written, but when I saw the word calling, my formerly sweet bitz turned sour with… malaise.  No secret to even semi-frequent readers, my discontent with my job could fill a blog (… like this one).  In reading that word, I became angry; in equating calling to vocation to job, i consider my job worthy of a monkey.  What does it mean to live a life worthy of a monkey, and I would hope I’m doing it, whatever it means.  So why has my calling not been upgraded to reflect the fact that I’m living a life more worthy than a monkey?  Rather than dwell on this topic again, however, I’ll move on to the worthwhile portion of the post.

In looking at the Greek for “calling” in Ephesians 4:1, “job” is nowhere indicated.  This shouldn’t come as a surprise, perhaps, when considering the structure of society and employment now and then.  Paul’s time was much more defined by apprenticeships and family trades than double majors and dream careers.  What is defined is interesting, however:

1) a calling, calling to

2) a call, invitation

a) to a feast

b) of the divine invitation to embrace salvation of God

The first definition is not much help, but the second is quite provocative: the “calling we have received” is perhaps best rendered as “an invitation to God’s salvation.”  Again, this is not necessarily an interpretation that couldn’t be rendered from a careful reading, but my 21st century eyes saw this first century text as I wanted to, not as Paul meant it to be read (mine is a loose translation, and in no way authoritative).  It is so easy to read ourselves into the Bible, rather than reading the Bible into ourselves, a trick I am quite guilty of, but as this example shows, when we focus on the context and the author’s original intent, the meaning is much richer - compared to God’s invitation to salvation, a job is small peanuts.

Forgiving The Biggest Jerk Of All - The One In The Mirror

Posted in Musings | No Comments »

I touched on forgiveness in a recent post, but only focused it outward, failing to mention forgiving that person that often causes us the most grief in our lives - us.  In reading another top-notch article put out by RBC Ministries on forgiving ourselves, I had a bit of a revelation.  This article spoke on the idea of when we refuse to forgive ourselves, we’re essentially negating God’s forgiveness, and by direct extension, Christ’s death on the cross to erase the penalty of our sins.  I had heard of not forgiving ourselves as essentially playing God, but never that the result is that others will miss out on my love.  I foolishly thought that I could love others without loving myself (I mean, it’s not like it’s a part of the 10 Commandments or anything…  oh, wait).

How does this manifest itself, you might ask?  I believe it takes the form of, if I am unable to forgive myself, I see myself as less than perfect (true, of course, but not easy to admit), and I impart that view on others.  As such, if they’re seeing me as less than perfect, I believe there is contempt in their hearts towards me, which I in turn seek to distance myself from them, because I feel I am being judged, while at the same time judging them (how do we match up, am I better than them, even if I’m not perfect?).  That distance prevents them from knowing enough about me to have anything to judge me about, or keeps me far enough away that I never gain an appreciation for them such that I would care if they had a negative view of me.  Needless to say this behavior also eliminates the possibility of any genuine relationships - and all because I refused to forgive myself for leaving the seat up.

Why might we refuse / be unable to forgive ourselves?  In a related article, the author, Mart De Haan, puts forth these seven points:

“1. We all seem to have a need to atone or suffer to pay for the wrongs we’ve done.

2. Sometimes we find it hard to believe we could have done such awful things… or that we could be that bad. Yet, in the truth we see why we really do need the forgiveness and mercy of God.

3. There is a time for legitimate grief that is necessary to make important changes in our life. But we have to make sure that such healthy sorrow does not turn into the kind of shame that becomes our excuse for not moving on.

4. Just as importantly we need to make sure that we don’t fall into the trap of defining ourselves in terms of our wrongs rather than in terms of what God can do in and through us.

5. Maybe some of us say we find it easier to believe God has forgiven us– without really knowing what we mean– or what it could mean if we really did accept fully the forgiveness of God.

6. Some of us let our shame shut out the love that God has for us.

7. And let’s not forget that we do have a real enemy that wants us to believe the lie that our past failures have made it impossible for us to move ahead.”

Points 2 and 4 hit the closest to home for me.  Especially in the areas of addiction and repetitive sin, there are things that I just cannot fathom how I can continue to engage in them, despite knowing the consequences and effects.  Because I hold myself to such a high standard (that I rarely meet), I become disgusted to see myself fail repeatedly.  Number four tends to follow quickly in tow, and the battle ensues against defining myself as a failure because I failed - there is not direct relationship there and one should not be assumed.

If we value the Cross and wish to show appreciation for all that Jesus has done, we must begin the process of learning to forgive ourselves.  If we do not, we play God, and impart unnecessary misery in our lives.  With that, I’ll leave you with a teaser for the article:

“Every day of self-absorbed self-condemnation is a day spent robbing ourselves of the joy of a grateful heart. Every hour of beating ourselves up is an hour spent robbing others of the good that God wants to do for them through us. By contrast, every day lived in the freedom of forgiveness is a day spent praising God. Every hour lived in gratitude for forgiveness is a day spent loving others on God’s behalf.”